No child needs to be stuck with a learning, behavior or mood problem, always trying to keep it under control and manage it. That is an outdated way of thinking. Amazing research now shows that we can actually reverse and correct these problems or significantly reduce them. I refer to this as ‘healing.’ Exciting research also shows that skilled parents can play a pivotal role in helping their children actually reverse their problems. My work is about teaching Moms and Dads how to be healing parents.
I mentioned in today’s video that if you follow my weekly blogs it will be just like getting free weekly coaching from me. Each blog contains information and a tool that teaches you how to play a significant role in healing the problems your children are grappling with. When you apply what you learn in each weekly blog, your chances of helping your children overcome their challenges are greatly increased. (Be aware that you can use this for any and every learning, behavior or mood challenge your child is experiencing). You can sign up for the weekly blogs here.
We get more of what we focus on.
So let’s begin with some critically important information. Moms and Dads are going to extraordinary lengths to help their children overcome all kinds of problems – and yet parents may unintentionally aggravate these problems and keep the child stuck.
Here’s a scenario. On a daily/weekly basis you are watching your child struggle to learn, to behave positively, to be happy, to interact easily with friends or to feel good about themselves. This is hard to watch and it absorbs a great deal of your attention. As you watch your child being frustrated, having a meltdown, being angry, sad, negative, or anxious and afraid, you worry about what will happen to your child. Your greatest wish is to make this go away – now – and forever. So it is easy to see how a loving parent can become fixated on what is wrong and what is not working. Doing this is extremely unhealthy for you, your child and the family and can actually keep your child stuck with the problem – perhaps even escalate it. Here’s why. When you focus on what is wrong:
- It causes you to be chronically stressed. Stressed parents create stressed children.
- Your stress and your child’s stress keep the problem going.
- You will be sending, what I call, “You’re Not OK’ messages to your child. This is not good for the child’s self-esteem.
This tool is called See the Child; Free the Child. There are 3 parts to this tool:
1. Be continuously aware of the fact that behind all the issues your child is grappling with, there is a problem-free, talented, unique kid – waiting to be freed.
2. Use the healing rule of 5 positive communications for one negative. Spend 5 times more time communicating positively with the amazing child, than communicating with your child about his or her problems or negative behaviors.
3. Remember that thoughts become things – negative thoughts bring about negative things; positive thoughts bring positive things. Learn how to ban negative thoughts from your mind. If you let your thoughts about your child be positive and life-enhancing, then that’s what you will get.
Here’s what I would love you to take away from today’s blog
Don’t allow yourself to concentrate mostly on your child’s problems. This is not a healing thing to do.
Concentrate instead mostly on the unique, problem-free, happy and talented kid behind the problems.
When you can see that child and focus on that child, you can free that Child.
Please leave me a comment – these are healing for me!
By the way, you can get a more in-depth 14 minute coaching video with slides on this topic – click here to watch.