So, Sally, one of the moms I am so blessed to know, told me yesterday, that she is seeing some welcome positive behavior changes in her 9-year old daughter, Donna. ‘I am happy that this is happening’, she said in a cautious tone of voice, ‘but I just hope that it lasts.’ Well, keeping in mind that my program is called Parents Take Charge, guess what I did? I suggested that Sally and I explore the connection between what she has been doing differently and the change she is seeing in Donna’s behavior. Why is it important to explore this? Actually, it is critically important, because then Sally will be able to confidently know that Donna’s positive behavior is not a one-time lucky break but is directly connected to the changes Sally is making for herself; this will also tell her which tools in her new parenting tool box she should keep on using, because these are the tools that are creating the desired result.
Want to know what Sally had been doing differently in the 10 days since I last saw her?
- She had been, consciously and intentionally, reducing things on her To Do list. To quote Sally, ‘Phew, this was tough and scary! It was so hard for me to let go of even unimportant stuff!’
- She had started, consciously and intentionally, choosing to say, ‘No can do!’ to things she would usually take on because of a feeling of obligation or guilt. Here’s the ‘aha’ Sally had about this: ‘I didn’t realize how many things I do that I really, really don’t want to be doing!’
- She had, consciously and intentionally, downgraded some of the things on her To Do list from the category of Urgent (as defined by the Type A world of Sally) to the category of Will get to it when I can without driving myself crazy! She told me: ‘I realized that I live with an unnecessary sense of Urgency all of the time. It feels so good to turn the Urgent switch off some of the time’
- She had, consciously and intentionally, started a daily routine of using the calming essential oils (that she had bought months ago and then stacked away somewhere) – using the diffuser so the whole family could benefit and also rubbing it topically on the part of her body where she typically experiences pain when she is stressed.
So do you think there is a connection between these 4 behaviors of Sally’s and the improvement in Donna’s behavior?
YOU BET THERE IS!
Remember I said that Sally was concerned that Donna would slide backwards and return to her troublesome behavior? Well, the chances of Donna regressing are much higher if Sally had not connected the dots between changes in her own behavior and Donna’s behavior. As Sally de-stressed, so did Donna. As Sally communicated more calmly, so did Donna. As Mom’s behavior was happy and relaxed, so was Donna’s…
So, dear Parents, never underestimate how even the smallest of changes that you, consciously and intentionally, make for yourself, can heal your loved ones. To be a healing parent there is ONE important thing to remember…
You gotta connect the dots.
See the connection, own the connection and love the connection between your behavior and your child’s behavior. Because if you don’t, you will slide backwards and so will your child! When you truly connect the dots and let yourself feel proud of the new behavior, both you and your child will be inspired, excited and committed enough to keep that change alive!
You may have tried some of the four things mentioned above that Sally did. This may have worked well for you too, or it may not have, or you may have made other changes that had positive effects. Please share with us – we are all a community and when we learn from each other and when we help each other connect the dots, that we may not have seen before, amazing things can happen.
Speaking about learning from each other – have you watched the my new FREE Interview with a Take Charge Mom?
And here’s another opportunity for you to learn everything you can about being a healing parent – come to my FREE live evening class . Oct 5th in Dallas.
To find out more about this amazing class click here. If you’d like to attend please register so that you can save your place in the class. Space is limited.